Author Topic: Friday afternoon jokes  (Read 1443 times)

sinsi

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #15 on: August 27, 2017, 02:57:31 PM »
Tried to change my password to "MyPenis" but was told it was too short...
I can walk on water but stagger on beer.

caballero

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #16 on: August 27, 2017, 07:11:45 PM »
Do you know that guy that bought a new boomerang but didn't know how to get rid of the old one? :bgrin:
En un lugar de la Mancha de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme

daydreamer2

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #17 on: August 27, 2017, 09:59:15 PM »
Einstein joke I heard about, but its a joke on Heisenbergs principle

but I think its true they brought Einstein to watch the first scifi movie and he laughed how ridicoulus it was "sound in space"
but I read another story about Einstein, it isnt funny, its about think different
A fan of Einstein meets Einstein on a trainstation, he says "then you memorized PI"?
Einstein says "No, I dont,I look it up, do not fill your head with lots of things, that makes thinking harder"

I dont know if the story is true,but I think its a good idea to be more dynamic, for example if you are an oldschool coder, its just harder to rethink for newer cpus,windows,direct3d, vs older cpus,MSDOS and original DOOM,wolfenstein3d

one day the Doctor said it would be good for the lunatics go out, so he trained them much before that so he could command them "Sit nuts,clap nuts etc" and he brought them to a baseball game
well it went well until a salesman came shouting "popcorn peee-nuts"
all the nuts turned around and pee'd

in the 90's a old man phoned support and said his "coffeecupholder" was broken on his computer (when CDROM drive was new)

anunitu

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #18 on: August 27, 2017, 10:35:48 PM »
Tried to change my password to "MyPenis" but was told it was too short...

HaHaHa Hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.falls down on the floor,and screams,I have fallen and cant get up!!!!!!!

felipe

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #19 on: August 28, 2017, 02:01:08 AM »
in the 90's a old man phoned support and said his "coffeecupholder" was broken on his computer (when CDROM drive was new)

Do you know that guy that bought a new boomerang but didn't know how to get rid of the old one? :bgrin:


HAHAHAHA! I found those ones the funniest.  :icon_mrgreen:
Felipe.

jj2007

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #20 on: August 28, 2017, 02:49:00 AM »
Since we are already at that level, here is one from Dave:
Quote
This guy walks into the pub with a bag over his shoulder. The bartender says, "Ok, what's in the bag?". The guy opens the bag and pulls out a toy piano, then reaches in again and pulls out a one-foot tall man who begins playing the piano. The bartender says, "That's pretty neat! Where'd you find him?". Again, the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a brass lamp. The bartender grabs the lamp and starts rubbing it. Soon, a genie appears and the bartender quickly tells him, "I want a million bucks!!!". Suddenly, the pub fills up with ducks. There are ducks on the billiard tables, ducks behind the bar, ducks in the bathrooms, ducks everywhere. The bartender tells the guy, "Hey, I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!". The guy replies, "You think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?".

K_F

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #21 on: August 29, 2017, 05:20:45 AM »
Butch the Rooster

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.
Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report just by listening to the bells.

Sarah's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a fine specimen but, this morning, she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize", they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on the planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully in the next election: You can't always hear the bells.
 :biggrin:
'Sire, Sire!... the peasants are Revolting !!!'
'Yes, they are.. aren't they....'

caballero

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #22 on: August 29, 2017, 05:25:38 PM »
Peter is an excellent hunter, proudly holds trophies of his hunts in his great mansion, exposed to whoever want to admire them. Busts of the most diverse animals from all over the world, from fierce leopards to huge rhinoceroses, all ended up slaughtered by his clever rifle.

There is no hunter in the world like him. So he has bought a new precision rifle and plans to release it in one of the large forests near his house. A cottage is rented, he makes all the preparations that he usually does, like a ritual, and goes out to the forest to hunt. He soon finds the trail of a huge bear. Sagacoius like nobody, follows and stalks. He almost has it. He places the rifle looking through the telescopic sight, sure that the bear is close, slightly hunched forward to ensure the shot, as he likes.

Suddenly, the bear comes out from behind, with one blow snatches the rifle and another rips his clothes. No reaction time, it is placed back like a male bear would do with a female bear and makes him great sorrow from behind. AYYYY!, such is the pain. The bear quickly leaves.

After this, he should stay several weeks in the hospital due to the pain. But what hurts most is his pride. A vulgar brown bear had knocked him out. It's not possible. When he recovers angrily, he rents the cottage again, recovers his rifle, set up in a millimeter, greased by which a bullet fired without almost pressing. Excellent, he wears his new camouflage clothes and returns to the bear's track. Soon, he discovers his trail and chases after him like a cat. You already have it cornered, no doubt, this time will end with that despicable being. He is close, he senses, his muscles in tension, he places the rifle, looking through the telescopic sight, slightly hunched to secure the shot, the finger on the trigger ready to shoot when ... surprise appears the bear from behind, snatches The rifle, rips the garments, is placed behind as a male bear would do with a female bear... and makes him much sorrow.

Again, the brave hunter, after recovering in the hospital, decides to go all out to kill that pathetic bear. Again he has it in the spotlight and again the bear is placed behind him as only a male bear would do with a female bear ... and again sorrow and much pain. Oh! much pain!

What can I say? The scene repeats itself several times, the hunter ready to kill the bear, the bear approaches him from behind as a male bear would do with a female bear, snatch his rifle, rip his clothes, but this time brings him near the ear and says in his ear: "Between you and me, are you sure you are coming to the woods to hunt bears?"
En un lugar de la Mancha de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme

nidud

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #23 on: August 30, 2017, 12:09:42 AM »
Two men was up in the mountain hunting and on their way back one of them falls down a cliff and was badly injured. His friend, slightly upset, calls 911: "Me and my friend are up in the mountain and he just fall down a cliff. I think he's dead". The operator answer: "OK, calm down. The first thing we have to do is to make sure he's dead".

The phone then goes silent for a while and he hear a shoot:
"OK, now he's dead. What do we do now?".

hutch--

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #24 on: August 30, 2017, 12:49:49 AM »
This is the gist of an old Canadian joke, two guys, one American and one Canadian are hiking out in the wild when a bear starts to chase after them. The American guys says to the Canadian, "You cannot outrun a bear" and the reply was "but I can outrun you."  :P
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daydreamer2

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #25 on: August 30, 2017, 05:14:33 AM »
Because this is colosseum, so doesnt that expect us to argument like "your joke isnt funny, my joke is funniest?" :)

felipe

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #26 on: August 30, 2017, 10:53:44 AM »
One night in the sherwood forest passed a carriage of nobles full of gold. Suddenly, they were ambushed and someone stole all the gold. When the robber was away the nobles asked him: who are you?, the thief replied: I am Robin Hood, I rob the rich to give to the poor. Then the thief left all the gold, anonymously, in the forest, where very poor people lived.
The next day, the poor were astonished at the treasure and they became very happy, thinking it was a miracle. So they decided to have a big party in the evening. In the middle of the party, when they were all drunk, they were ambushed and someone stole all the gold they had. When the robber left, they asked him: who you are?, the thief replied: I am Robin Hood, I rob the rich to give to the poor.  :greensml:
Felipe.

Raistlin

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #27 on: August 30, 2017, 03:09:23 PM »
Some things are just too stupid to have been made up - reality is surely funny:

So Babes Wodumo, a wannabe singer-song writer and actor, lost her USB flash drive or possibly it got stolen.
The drive contains one of her new songs and she is demanding that the would-be thief, where ever they may be, to
provide her with a link to the drive - so she can personally delete the song.  :icon_rolleyes:

http://www.dailysun.co.za/News/Entertainment/mzansi-babes-needs-the-link-to-her-new-song-she-lost-the-usb-20170829

Siekmanski

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #28 on: August 30, 2017, 03:53:05 PM »
It seems that celebrities ( actors & singers ) are the only smart people left, walking around on this earth.  :biggrin:

Raistlin

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #29 on: August 30, 2017, 08:07:10 PM »
This from a student explaining private and public key pairs - as used in PKI, symmetrical and asymmetrical cryptography. :eusa_dance:

"A private key is a key used in the private sector because it is more expensive, and a public key is used by general public because it is free."