Author Topic: Friday afternoon jokes  (Read 1129 times)

felipe

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #30 on: August 31, 2017, 02:33:38 AM »
This from a student explaining private and public key pairs - as used in PKI, symmetrical and asymmetrical cryptography. :eusa_dance:

"A private key is a key used in the private sector because it is more expensive, and a public key is used by general public because it is free."

 :lol:
Felipe.

daydreamer2

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #31 on: September 16, 2017, 08:29:35 PM »
your computer doesnt work properly, suddenly a messagebox appear "error 30"
you cant find any information anywhere what that means, so you call support
-"it means the error is 30cm in front of screen"

there are 3 kinds of people, those who can Count and...

Siekmanski

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #32 on: September 16, 2017, 10:50:33 PM »
there are 3 kinds of people, those who can Count and...

there are three kinds of people, those who can count and those who can't.

I will never use that phrase.  :biggrin:

hutch--

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #33 on: September 21, 2017, 12:34:08 AM »
I have a theory on counting,

Eanie,
Meanie,
Minie,
Moe (without larry and curly.)
Catch your target by the toe.
Unless she squeals don't let here go.
Yo ho ho ho.  :eusa_naughty:
hutch at movsd dot com
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nidud

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #34 on: September 21, 2017, 12:52:31 AM »
Fucks sake Timmy



Captain Kidd

jj2007

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #35 on: September 21, 2017, 01:52:09 AM »
Ah, Timmy again...!

felipe

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #36 on: September 21, 2017, 01:54:36 AM »
 :greensml: hilarious
Felipe.

daydreamer2

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #37 on: September 25, 2017, 02:31:44 AM »
here we had lots of jokes on norwegians are stupid and they had swedes are stupid jokes too
when 80s tvshow with Hulk Went: the hulk flopped in norway,because every nowegians saw a green man so they walked away

nidud

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #38 on: September 25, 2017, 03:03:52 AM »

caballero

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #39 on: September 28, 2017, 11:08:23 PM »
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants - open presents, expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:30 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer
11:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:30 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice she has gained 17 pounds
1:15 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
7:00 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
En un lugar de la Mancha de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme

caballero

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #40 on: September 28, 2017, 11:12:01 PM »
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive satisfying sh!t while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by semi-naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
8:30 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine - 2 under
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine - 4 under
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas--nap en-route
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
5.00 Fly home, massage, and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over, naturally).
6:45 Sh!t, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy filet steak followed by ice-cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Havana cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 A night cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
En un lugar de la Mancha de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme

Magnum

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #41 on: October 02, 2017, 12:46:16 AM »
How to Call the Police

An elderly man from Michigan was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he had left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?”

He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said, “All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”

George said “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up.

Within 5 minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillip’s residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George, “I though you said that you shot them?”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

Take care,
                   Andy

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felipe

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #42 on: October 02, 2017, 04:26:03 AM »
 :greenclp:
Felipe.

hutch--

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #43 on: October 02, 2017, 10:18:20 AM »
 :biggrin:

That's a good one Andy. Now the question is, did you survive OK after all the weather problems in the US south east ? We saw a lot of damage on the media coming from over your way with flooding and high winds.
hutch at movsd dot com
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Magnum

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Re: Friday afternoon jokes
« Reply #44 on: October 02, 2017, 10:48:28 AM »
Thanks for asking.

I did okay as I was on a 2nd story apartment. However many neighbors behind me in homes got flooded.

Friendswood, Texas was hit bad. I saw 7 out of 10 houses on one street flooded out. :-(

I heard that over 100K cars were flooded.

It is a sellers market for used cars. There are very few to be had.

My youngest daughter's house got hit by lightning doing around 10K in damage.

Their central AC was one of the  casualties. They are using window units.

There are long wait times for insurance pay offs.

I felt very blessed.

Take care,
                   Andy

Ubuntu-mate-16.04-desktop-amd64

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