Nerd humor

[hutch--]

I am mortally offended at being called a "nerd". I can willingly accept "Industrial Robot", "cantakerous old b*stard" and probably a few others but "nerd", nah ! 

[NoCforMe]

 

[jj2007]

"cantakerous old b*stard"

I see your spellchecker has refused to handle this one

[zedd151]

So I gotta ask you: What's the meaning of those numbers at the bottom of your posts? I'm sure it's something mysterious.

It’s a countdown to when my harddrive implodes.      I just ‘reloaded it’. Thanks, I almost forgot.   

[NoCforMe]

My condolences. May that number go up to -1. Unsigned. 64 bits.

[Greenhorn]

Blumentopf - Nerds   

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-i1Gg7_K250

Code: [Select]

Here comes the representative of a daylight shy species
If you are looking for us, we are always deep in the matter
We don't love our job, we're obsessed with it
Tinkering in the basement the next technical revolution
Hey, you don't understand what we do, you don't have the necessary words
No matter how we explain it, it remains for you bohemian villages
You are only laymen for us, we are only geeks for you.
What for us is a lens, for you is the bottom of a bottle.
You think we are unworldly, crazy and out of touch
That doesn't matter to us, we're above it, just like Apostrohpen
Because we're used to it, we've always been the outsiders
Pimply couch potatoes, bookworms, computer gamers
It's not only on New Year's Eve that we have dinner for one,
Cause women usually don't mess with us nerds
Cause they know nerds like us are faithful and believe in true love
But are long gone to their specialties

It is wrong
we are not generally panic about people
At most a few deficits in our social skills
You underestimate us
But you have no clue at all
Of course we have big ears
Cause we've got it all figured out!

We're nerds, nerds, nerds, nerds
We're nerds, yo, welcome to the club
We don't get our eyes lasered
We need the thick glasses
They're part of our look

We're nerds, nerds, nerds, nerds
We're nerds, boy, don't you stare
Yo we don't give a shit about you haters
One day we're gonna make paper
Cause we play at the top level
We don't discriminate between evangelical or catholic
Cause with us it's either Star Trek or Star Wars religion
We are not threatening
We're the guys in the colored shirts
The shy Clark Kents with top secret superpowers
You can find us in dark corners at flea markets and strange fairs
We are the very last true hunter-gatherers
Who eat badly and too fat, who keep the tiniest little thing
But also forget to sleep
Many do not see it, confuse nerds with Messis
See only the chaos, because the order is too complex for us
Nothing with Feng Shui, no place for aesthetics
We nerds play interior design tricks

Cute, smiling girls are our kryptonite
And when the computer boots up, it plays our favorite song
You can believe me, this is fabulous
So please give us your heart, but please original wrapped!

We are nerds...
We are detail loving crazy scientists
We live behind windows where screens flicker all night long
The girls think we are... like still water
But we're Latin lovers, just a little paler
Nerds are philosophers, sound tinkerers and favorite students
And become Nobel laureates, musicians and company founders
We fill notebooks, hard drives and sketchbooks
Cause we nerds are better than you and your dorky brothers
We talk store at every counter
About our comic heroes, a***oge sound synthesis
Old original versions, movies and file formats
Coffee black, dextrose
Are on our menu
We like plastic, retro and 8 bit
On night shift we tinker with websites and chart hits
We explore the matrix with compass and colored pencil
In black light we watch comics in japanese

Being a nerd is really hard and costs a lot of nerves
But under our knitted sweaters fighter hearts beat
And even if we come in last in the 100-meter dash
We're so far ahead of you, you'll never catch up

Yes we're nerds, nerds, nerds, nerds
There's an art to being a real nerd
And if your computer gives you trouble, then you dial our number
Cause you can't do it without us.

We are nerds, ...

[caballero]

Three friends, a computer scientist, a physicist and a mathematician go on a train trip through England. They see in the field grazing a mottled cow.

- The computer scientist. Oh! In England there are mottled cows.
- The physical. Nothing of that. In England there is at least one mottled cow.
- The mathematician. No way. At least one side of a cow in England is mottled.

[caballero]

An excited student tells his math teacher. Sir, when I grow up I want to be the best mathematician in the world and for that I am not going to waste my time getting married or thinking about girls, only about mathematics.

The veteran math teacher replies: Nothing like that, when you're older, you'll get married and then it's very important that you have a lover. In this way, when your wife believes that you are with your lover and she believes that you are with your wife, you, to make maths.

[caballero]

Son: Mom, today I woke up with a tremendous desire to study.
Mother: Darling, I love you so much. And tell me, what are you going to do?
Son: Lie down again, until it goes away.

[vitsoft]

Computer nerds should send their dickpic in OpenSCAD format instead of JPG, so that the recipient of the mail can print it immediately on a 3D printer.

[hutch--]

I don't know if this one will translate well but here goes.

A little boy came home and said to his mum,
"Hey mum, you should see the mess when you shove a cracker up a frog's arse."
 The mother said, "no no, you mean rectum",
and the kid said, "you bet it wrecked 'em".

[jj2007]

Not exactly nerd humour, but worth seeing: a very intelligent animal in action

[hutch--]

That is a very funny video, I like smart animals. 

[daydreamer]

Asm switch/ case no breaks
That's why asm is faster,cpu doesn't go on breaks
Long ago android os had funny names instead of windows have numbers,like "kitkat" and other candy names,might need keep chocolate lovers at bay
I find whiskylake cpu (perfect for whisky lovers?) and coffeelake cpu (perfect for run java?)names funny, might been inspired by android os names?

In USA most never experienced their first shower and it is not possible get clean by a shower made out of gifts (baby shower)    

[jj2007]

When Tim and I to Brisbane went

We met three women cheap to rent.

They were three and we were two,

So I booked one and Tim Booked Two