Take a lesson from my experience

[Farabi]

On Indonesia esp. on my city Sukabumi, there is law that anyone with HIV should be put in jail if they are married and spread it. I was for years active on a non-profit company that treat the HIV users. I was married at 5 april this year, and my marriage will be done soon because people suspecting I had HIV. As you might know, Indonesia is mostly muslims, and for them divorcement is allowed based on their belief. I had to admit me and my wife never know each others, on Islam having friend with girls or having a girlfriends is forbiden, so we must take a quick decision when we are introduced each other  . Here is the lab paper from my blood test



Yep Im negatif, I checked each 6 montsh, even after 2013 the doctor confidently said I dont need to rechecked it anymore, because it would be good if the checking money which is from the tax and donation from Global Fund, a non profit company from USA and Europe allocated to people with high risk.

What I want to know from your opinion, people treat me so bad even though I was negative on HIV, even my marriage which is 2 weeks, will be over soon. Do you think it is nessesary? I was wonder how bad people who really infected by HIV. What about on your country and yourself? Did you also feared beeing infected?

This is the worst year of my life.  I intentionally put this topic on colloseum, because there might be people attacking me directly, but dont worry its okay, I want to know about your thought.

[jj2007]

Hi Onan,

Nobody will attack you here, don't worry. But you are not very clear why your marriage should end. Are the families against it, or is it the State by some strange law?

[hutch--]

Onan,

I will share with you something that I normally would have forgotten, back in 1985 I had an injury to my left hand with a woodwork machine which also punched a pile of junk into my finger tips and the operation took 5 hours and transfusions. In 1985 the blood supply in Australia was unreliable so I did an AIDS test 5 years down the track then 10 years down the track and they both came back negative.

I do not understand the details of Muslim culture all that well but if you love your wife, even if you have not been intimate with her, ask her personally what she thinks and show her you report to prove that you are not infected. Different countries have different reasons for  AIDS, in Africa is is mainly passed between men and women, in some parts of western countries is is transferred by gay men and people who have shared needles, usually drug addicts.

We all have a lousy year from time to time, its just life so don't let it wear you down. Go after the problem with your brain in gear and you can usually solve it.

[rrr314159]

What I want to know from your opinion, people treat me so bad even though I was negative on HIV, even my marriage which is 2 weeks, will be over soon.

- my opinion, sounds terrible, you haven't done anything to deserve such an outcome. But, like jj2007, I'm confused why this is the case, since you've proven it's all a misunderstanding. But of course that's nothing new, I'm often confused about all sorts of things.

Do you think it is nessesary?

- of course not

 I was wonder how bad people who really infected by HIV.

- if you don't get treatment it's about as bad as diseases get - IF it progresses to AIDS. You can actually live with HIV forever and not even notice it. In fact I read somewhere that everyone has a bit of HIV virus in them, kept under control by immune system. If u have AIDS and get treatment, these days, u can live with it - IF someone else is paying for the treatment

 What about on your country and yourself?

- In USA it's less of an issue than it used to be; I guess because treatment is available. It was never that big a problem anyway

 Did you also feared beeing infected?

- Heck no, it's mainly for gays

farabi I'm not quite sure what your main problem is. If it's being dumped by a (soon-to-be) ex-wife, for a real stupid reason, not much I can say; that hurts about as much as anything. Telling people don't worry, there are plenty more where she came from, in a few months it won't matter - it's true but doesn't help the sufferer at all, just makes it worse in fact. Strangely enough, when they die on you all of a sudden (car accident, cancer, whatever) that's not as bad (Although as time goes on the pain never ends, so in that regard it's a lot worse). Anyway, if that's the problem - in my country I'd recommend alcohol but I guess that's not an option. Sometimes banging your head against a wall helps, also throwing and breaking things, cursing, stuff like that

OTOH if the problem is bureaucracy, or public opinion - just put up with it, these things resolve themselves after a while.

Consider this - sure it's bad - but wouldn't it be a lot worse if you really did have AIDS? Many people have worse problems, in fact. I wish you could trade places with me for a day: wake up with my aches and pains, drag your butt through a day with my malfunctioning limbs and organs, then wake up tomorrow back to your hale and hearty self - you'd be the happiest person on the planet! So, try to see things in perspective. Truly, youth is wasted on the young, health is wasted on the healthy

[Farabi]

Hi,
So this is what her brother said to me about our divorcion. She want to divorce because someone said to her I was HIV positive, and she said she doesnot like my methadone therapy, she thought I was a heroine addict. I should admit there is lots of missunderstanding, I thought when we first met, she knew everything about me, we are not allowed to do communication based on islamic rule before we married, but we are allowed to ask anyone about our future wife/husband. I've explained everything to the teacher who arranged our meeting about myself, my past and everything, but then she said I was hiding something, and that is what was happened.

I should admit after I quit drugs I became so sensitive, I cant think positive and always paranoid. I think that is also made her reconsider everything.

[rrr314159]

Sounds like your health isn't so great, actually ... but at least you've cleared up my confusion, guess I know what the real problem is now

Well, u know (better than most), you get involved with heroin you'll be paying for a long time. At least you're done with it, but physical / mental problems can continue for a while (a year? more?) and then there's reputation, long time b4 people will trust u again. Years. Hang in there, good luck - if you stick it out everything will be fine someday. If you fall off the wagon, though, forget it - second time much tougher. And I suppose u must be tempted! As Bill Clinton once said, "I feel your pain". As for her, only possible hope is to be 100% cooperative, don't sulk and complain. Anything else is guaranteed failure

Meanwhile concentrate on programming, or anything useful which presents itself. Of course it's easy to say - "be cool, work hard, keep smiling" - any idiot can say it, and it's good advice, but I can't follow it myself, when I'm not in the mood

I don't know if you're a believing Muslim, but if you can do that, you should. Don't just write it off - give serious consideration - it's a real solution if only u can accept, or ignore, certain logical inconsistencies. Making sense isn't all that important - highly overrated.

And now, quit complaining - I get tired of giving aid & comfort to the lovelorn pretty quick ;)

[Farabi]

And now, quit complaining - I get tired of giving aid & comfort to the lovelorn pretty quick

Dont worry, you can sit and relax if you please  I'll leave the other to comment if they please. The point is, you have to know about my experience, anyone can repeat the same mistake, to be honest, such a comment is breaking my heart.

[Farabi]

Consider this - sure it's bad - but wouldn't it be a lot worse if you really did have AIDS? Many people have worse problems, in fact. I wish you could trade places with me for a day: wake up with my aches and pains, drag your butt through a day with my malfunctioning limbs and organs, then wake up tomorrow back to your hale and hearty self - you'd be the happiest person on the planet! So, try to see things in perspective. Truly, youth is wasted on the young, health is wasted on the healthy

Ah I did not read this part.
I never thought you have a big problem with your limbs. I think people had their own problems, and each people always think, "neighbourhood grass is greener than our house", I personally envy your life, you had almost everything. But well, we had our own joy and had our own problems.

Get better soon with your ache. There is STEM cell treatment for your ache.

[rrr314159]

Thanks for your concern, but I'm not complaining, just saying same as you: we all have our own problems (in my case neuropathy, etc). U get older these things happen, no big deal, many people much worse off than me. The only solution is to die young, obviously not an attractive option

[hutch--]

I have a mate of mine, a bit younger than I am who has a comment "Old age is a pain but the alternative is worse". Keep your aerobic rate up, run your guts off and don't believe the dietry bullsh*t that you get force fed by the "experts". (Eat birdseed and grass and you can get slow, sick, fat and die young.) Then there is the other end of the market, "Eat chye, grow fat, be sick, die young". Somewhere inbetween you eat what works for you and ignore the rest.  :P

[Farabi]

Honestly, all of you had my respect by your intelligence. That's why I follow and heard what you said.

[rrr314159]

@farabi, don't forget hutch deserves twice as much respect, for his advanced age

[Farabi]

NaN, let me help you ease your pain, I hope this help.

And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous
3:134
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3:134
Sahih International
Who spend [in the cause of Allah ] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;
3:135
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3:135
Sahih International
And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah ? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know.
3:136
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3:136
Sahih International
Those - their reward is forgiveness from their Lord and gardens beneath which rivers flow [in Paradise], wherein they will abide eternally; and excellent is the reward of the [righteous] workers.

I remembered what JC said to the sick, "You've been forgiven", off course, as long as you keep patient. I hope it help's. Sorry for breaking the rules.

[xanatose]

All I can say is

SHIT HAPPENS

If up to you if you want to continue smelling it or instead clean it up and continue your walk.

Shame is useless.
If is for no reason, then why feel shame?
And if its for a reason, then why no spend the time trying to make repairs?
And if its for a reason and you cannot make repairs, tough luck, life continues.

Either way dwelling in shame is useless.

The same can be said for being preoccupied.
If the problem has a solution find it. If it has no solution, then tough luck. Live continues.

The same can be said on dwelling on a problem you cannot solve.
Communicate and if it solved, good.
If not is good also, you do not want someone that will use an excuse to leave anyway.

BEGIN_COWARD_DISCLAIMER
But that is just my uninformed opinion. Who knows, the might be the best thing that happens to you. Or it might be the worst thing. Although chances are that  none.
END_COWARD_DISCLAIMER

One day, no matter how good or evil you are. No matter how poor or rich you are. How anarchist or boot licker you are. You are going to die and chances are than in a 100 or so years, no one will care about anything you did. And in a 1,000 years is would be pretty much guaranteed that no one will care.

So you might as well go and do some living on your terms, making your own decisions. If they are bad, tough luck, live continues. If they are good, then good luck, life continues.

You see the main theme? Do not dwell in something you cannot solve and instead do things that you can solve. Shit will always happen as long as you live but is up to you if you want to continue and smell it.

[Farabi]

Hi Xanatose,
Thanks for your comment. I hope anyone can learn a lesson from it. Wisdom can be obtain from this way, learn, this is the noblest, imitate, this is the easiest, experience, this is the bitterest.